Mellow 7/25/2008
by Aarjav Trivedi
Is it the music coursing through my veins
or just the spirits?
Is it normal, good, even acceptable:
this schadenfreude, fleeting, nevertheless,
this dampening of my misery by recounting that of others?
And what of this fear of capitulating
just as I approach the steep peaks?
Courage, they say, is not the lack of fear
but looking fear in its eye
feeling its piercing glance
and moving on regardless.
Yes, I am afraid
yet, I will move on
to wherever life takes me
for I have seen the unmoving life
and a fearful ascent is better.
But where art thou my force of will?
Perhaps, like the line connecting these dots,
you are visible only in hindsight.
-ajt
Perspective:
I wrote this 3 years ago, almost to the day, and rediscovered it while moving computers. The “fear” likely refers to the fear of quitting my job to take the plunge. It took me another year and a quarter before I did it. I don’t remember what the schadenfreude refers to. Like all negative thoughts, it was a waste of time. I learned that force of will is never visible only in hindsight. When I finally overcame my fears and plunged into my startup full time, it was plenty visible in foresight.
